A friend of mine sent this to me today. If you can't laugh at this you probably need to get yourself to the emergency room...
“After every flight UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an
accident.”
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.S: Took hammer away from midget
Thursday, May 31, 2007
If you like piña colada's and watching Children of Men...
Sorry for that but they can't all be zingers. So, I've been doing a lot of drinking from the well over at stevebrownetc where he talks about the scandalous freedom of God's grace and I think its starting to take. Exhibit A - Getting wonky with the wife (by that I mean buzzed...you perverts) midweek. I know that buzzing it up on a Wednesday night when work awaits in the morning would normally qualify me for the next AA meeting but in this case I think we can let it slide. My wife works nights at Outback and I work days schlepping parts for copy repair technicians so our paths seldom cross. When they do we also have two boys Elisha 2 1/2 and Phoenix 6 months to factor in to the equation. Needless to say it doesn't allow much time for frivolity.
So, last night Josalyne and I decided to eschew the standard operating procedures and manufacture an impromptu date night. She took off for the liquor store, I threw some Bubba Burgers on the skillet, we put the kids to bed at 8, and we curled up in bed with our Piña Colada's to watch Children of Men. It was marvelous.
This all goes back to grace because up until a few months ago a night like last night would not have happened. I grew up in an environment that was not legalistic to the point of Burkas and Beanies but it certainly wasn't Cheese and Wine Night with the Pastor either. I was not allowed to listen to any "secular" music which pretty much mean what I did listen to was either Stryper (I actually had to fight for that one) or Petra. I wasn't allowed to watch films that contained anything that would reveal how pagans lived or communicated or that were rated R. And so on and so forth. I'm certainly not trying to demonize my parents because they were just trying to protect me but it did have an impact that I still feel today. Looking back on their lives, my father passed at 50 due in large part to stress, I see how burnt out they were trying to tow the line. I've blisters on my own fingers from attempting the same.
Steve Brown describes in his Scandalous Freedom how some of us view God as a child abuser. He pushes us and tests us and punishes us when we fail and is never happy with our best. Throughout all of that there is a unifying thread that is woven; God is pissed and we're the reason. I've lived that for as long as I can remember and its been like a snake shedding its skin trying to get free. I can taste the new air of grace and I want to fill my lungs with it but those old habits are hard to shake and they press in on every side and constrict my chest. At times it literally feels as though I'm suffocating. Here is a good example; I struggle with an anxiety disorder that I presently don't take medication for. If I believe that Jesus really loves me and He is all powerful and He is capable of great miracles then I just need to stay un-medicated and pray harder right? Well, of course not but up until recently I didn't think so. That is the type of thinking that I am emerging from.
But God is not pissed at me and He actually likes and loves me. I can handle that and I can see more clearly in the light of that truth. Its not going to be easy or instantaneous making the transition in my thinking or how I live my life but I sense Him walking beside me now and encouraging me so I believe that I can do it. Pray with me and for me and rejoice that I was able to drink Piña Coladas and snog my wife in the middle of the week without feeling any guilt. If there is hope for this recovering legalist there's hope for everyone.
So, last night Josalyne and I decided to eschew the standard operating procedures and manufacture an impromptu date night. She took off for the liquor store, I threw some Bubba Burgers on the skillet, we put the kids to bed at 8, and we curled up in bed with our Piña Colada's to watch Children of Men. It was marvelous.
This all goes back to grace because up until a few months ago a night like last night would not have happened. I grew up in an environment that was not legalistic to the point of Burkas and Beanies but it certainly wasn't Cheese and Wine Night with the Pastor either. I was not allowed to listen to any "secular" music which pretty much mean what I did listen to was either Stryper (I actually had to fight for that one) or Petra. I wasn't allowed to watch films that contained anything that would reveal how pagans lived or communicated or that were rated R. And so on and so forth. I'm certainly not trying to demonize my parents because they were just trying to protect me but it did have an impact that I still feel today. Looking back on their lives, my father passed at 50 due in large part to stress, I see how burnt out they were trying to tow the line. I've blisters on my own fingers from attempting the same.
Steve Brown describes in his Scandalous Freedom how some of us view God as a child abuser. He pushes us and tests us and punishes us when we fail and is never happy with our best. Throughout all of that there is a unifying thread that is woven; God is pissed and we're the reason. I've lived that for as long as I can remember and its been like a snake shedding its skin trying to get free. I can taste the new air of grace and I want to fill my lungs with it but those old habits are hard to shake and they press in on every side and constrict my chest. At times it literally feels as though I'm suffocating. Here is a good example; I struggle with an anxiety disorder that I presently don't take medication for. If I believe that Jesus really loves me and He is all powerful and He is capable of great miracles then I just need to stay un-medicated and pray harder right? Well, of course not but up until recently I didn't think so. That is the type of thinking that I am emerging from.
But God is not pissed at me and He actually likes and loves me. I can handle that and I can see more clearly in the light of that truth. Its not going to be easy or instantaneous making the transition in my thinking or how I live my life but I sense Him walking beside me now and encouraging me so I believe that I can do it. Pray with me and for me and rejoice that I was able to drink Piña Coladas and snog my wife in the middle of the week without feeling any guilt. If there is hope for this recovering legalist there's hope for everyone.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
shhhhhhhhhhh....
Psst. Don't spread it around but here is my email address (shoot me an email and I'll reply with my home address) in case you would like to send me any money for the trip, free tickets to a broadway show, or a mail balm (Tiger Balm is my preference). Thanks.
sonofsanders@gmail.com
sonofsanders@gmail.com
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
So you wanna go back to Egypt?
For those few Keith Green fans that remain the above reference will be appreciated. For everyone else, what I am referring to is a trip that I hope to take to Egypt in the fall. It is of the missional variety and will involve setting up computers, painting and light construction on a church, and spending time investing in orphans and the community in general. Our liason will be a native Egyptian who is a follower of Jesus and a passionate one at that. We will be leaving Oct. 25 and returning on the 3rd of November. The cost is $2700 dollars and that will cover air fare, meals, and other travel expenses. The remainder will go towards computers for the church's community center. Please check back often as I will be posting more information and photos. God is at work in the Middle East and though we in America have become very polarized in our views of it our Father created its people in His image and desires that they should know Him. Beyond that, what better way to create peace between us than to worship the same God and look forward to the same eternity together? Thanks in advance for your prayers and your support.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
